He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
