when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My vagina is officially offended.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
