I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
