this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
