so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize