There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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