So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
