Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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