woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
