I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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