Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
