she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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