How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
