R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
