Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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