I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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