More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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