She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
