Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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