dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
