Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
