you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
