Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
