it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
