If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize