nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
