i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
