I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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