She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
