All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
