Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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