my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
