Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
