All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
