Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Come on in and take your pants off
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