I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
