Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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