I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
