So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
