im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
