i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
