I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She even gives head with a lisp.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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