Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
