I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I want is dick and wine.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
