You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
