Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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