Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
