I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
