i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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