I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
a search helicopter?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize