He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I want her autograph on my taint
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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