Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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