Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
