So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
