Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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