the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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