I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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