and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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