I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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