U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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