do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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