Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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