My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
