Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
