Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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