Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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