p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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