you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i drank out of a bidet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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