god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
