she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
