i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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