okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
