so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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