He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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