Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the condom got lost in my hair
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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