Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
