I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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