First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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