I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
