nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
