4 words: hood of his car
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
