I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize