She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize