i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
