If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
