We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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