like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
