I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He kissed a someone with a penis
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize